Really? I don't Know?
by Bokormen
Summary: The team learns something new about Sam during a negotiation. Minor crossover with Stargate Atlantis. Oneshot.


AN: My first try on a Flashpoint fanfic. Slight XO with Stargate Atlantis (Seems like I can't avoid them..:P), but mostly Flashpoint and Sam. Don't own anything and don't make any money making this. I might end up playing some more with our darling Sam later on so I hope you like this.

* * *

«You have no idea what I'm going through.» the middle-aged subject they were trying to talk down snapped, his gun not wavering the least.

«You think?» Sam snorted before the others had a chance to stop him. «Let me guess; you've got no one to speak or relate to, you feel like you're alone. In the last year, hell maybe even so far back as the last decade, you've seen and done things others can't even imagine. Both good and bad. The bad is like out of your worst nightmare or maybe even worse, while the good is so incredible that there isn't words that can describe it.

You've lived each day under pressure. Some days are normal; you're expecting a small life and death crisis around the next corner. Other days it's really stressful and the life of others are literally in your hands. Your friends, colleagues, family, they are dying or hurt and you know that you might be next. You don't know if you fear it or will welcome it.

Then there are the times when there are breakthroughs. The times when you succeed. The times you actually manage to help people. It might be one person, it might be a thousand. Maybe you saved the last seat in the sofa on a movie-night or a village got the medicine and food they needed.

Now after everything you've experienced you're back here. Trying to act like you're like everyone else. Like you're normal. But you're not. You'll never be again. And everybody else don't get it. And it's not like you can talk about it to anyone. If you did they would look you up in no time, plus it would go directly against the NDA you signed in the very beginning.

And sometimes you're asking yourself; why are you doing this? Why are _you_ here when so many others didn't make it? What reason do you have to continue living on?» Sam had taken of his helmet and taken a few steps closer during his little speech and the rest of his team sent him worried and surprised glances, but Sam didn't notice any of that; his attention was fully on the brown-haired man in front of him.

«I've seen you before, haven't I?» the man inquired.

«Yes, Sir. Once. Lt. Sam Braddock under Major Hale's command.» Sam answered. He had been stationed on Atlantis mostly, but during their short exile to Earth he had once been on a training exercise at the Alpha site where he had met the doctor in front of him.

«I remember you know, you're one of them. One of Sheppard's guys. How do you do it? How do you keep going?» the Doctor demanded to know, both his voice and his eyes pleading for an answer.

«I do it for them, Doc. I do it for everyone we lost, everyone that's still there now. They died for us and we should not disgrace that by giving up. They deserve more. Every single day they are in some way or another fighting for everyone here. I might not still be there, but I'll be damned if I'll just give up. I'll do something that matters. I might not be there by their side any more, but I am here trying to keep their families safe. Donate blood or just help where it's needed. Everyone can't do the same, but there is enough need in the world that there is something everyone can do. You just need to take one day at a time, or sometimes just live by the hour and stay away from tempting situations. And if by doing that I manage to create a new life with new friends I think they would have liked that.» Sam answered evenly, ignoring the questioning stares he knew he was getting.

«I... yeah... Do it for them.» Slowly the subject lowered his gun and Team One could take relieved breath.

«Subject in custody.» Greg spoke into is mike. «Sam...»

«I'm good Sarge.» Sam interrupted. «There have been plenty of chances to take one for the team and I haven't done so yet. Growing up on military bases and already being a soldier when I got the assignment, I was more prepared than many others. But after a little while we're no longer civilians or military; we're all soldiers. Some can't handle that then, and there are those that can't handle coming back. Luckily I am not one of them. And even if I were, you wouldn't let me take the easy way out.» he said with conviction in his voice.

«Damn right we wouldn't.» Ed commented with equal conviction.

«When was this?» Jules asked curiously.

Sam almost laughed of his friends' subtle digging for information. Before my last tour. After...» Sam sent a quick look at Ed; he knew about Matt, but he didn't think he was ready for everyone else to know about that incident and changed to an equally true reason for leaving the military. «After that tour I decided that I didn't want to participate in another pointless war and instead do something else useful.»

«You're talking about the five years that's blacked out in your file.» Spike stated, a blush rising when the team turned towards him with amused smirks as he continued to babble. «Not that there isn't other parts that's also blacked out, but those five years in 'Antarctica' are completely gone, I didn't even manage to hack anything.»

Sam looked down before looking at the men and woman that surrounded him; his co-workers, his friends. «Thank you. For letting me be a part of the team even after all the screw-ups I had. Without you I might have ended up like him.» Sam stared at the edge where the ex-SGC scientist had been ready to end his life.

«No you wouldn't.» Wordy spoke up. «You're too stubborn for that.» While his friends gave their agreement, Sam thought things over; what would he have done if SRU hadn't taken him in.

«You're right.» Sam told Wordy. «I would have been more likely to have gone back. Might not as military this time. Maybe a civilian contractor, I did start to get a hang of the trading after a while; we didn't have to run for our lives _all_ the time. And I am positive they would love to have my genes.» Sam grinned at them teasingly, before heading back to the trucks, leaving five flabbergasted SRU officers behind. Little did his friends know that he was only half teasing with his last comment; he actually had a very strong ATA-gene that he was sure they could have found some use for on Atlantis.

"Antarctica?" Sam heard Ed wonder before he entered his own car with Wordy. He might not be in the city he had called home for so long, but he had made himself a new home and a new family.


End file.
